King of the Road,Ventoux and bust!

So he's got his mojo back and after a huge gap he's going to tell you all about how I went up Mt Ventoux and came back down again in triumph. (Hi, sorry about that. Are you sure it was triumph?) You're forgiven and yes it was triumph. (Hmm, we shall see.)

It all started when Jack and I had a wee drink.  It was a lovely mango smoothie thingy, and, as you can see, we were fairly prostrated when we'd done - it was a big glass for little bears.









So I said, "I'm off for a wee ride on my bike. Up Mt Ventoux!" Well, there was some consternification, and cries of, "Are you sure?" and, "It's a long way for a wee bike." and stuff... "Boff!" as the French would say.

Ah, the smell of the open road, the singing of the tyres on tarmac, the funny signs people write on the road. (They do?) Yup, they do, well at least they do there.

 The road was steep.












And I saw some interesting sights.  This big man on his even bigger bike thought I was funny until I zoomed past him leaving him in a cloud of dust and exhaust fumes. Pah, peasants. (Heh, hang on a minute.  I ride my bike a lot and I don't like people who do that to me. Or bears for that matter.) Don't care, he shouldn't have smirked.

I like this sign - it says The only way is up but it says it backwards if you know what I mean, and what if you want to came back down, as I did?  Then the only way is down.  Then it would read "Is up, way, the only?" And of course then the answer is "It isn't."

Soon enough I reached the top, and my little bear bot was fairly throbbing after all the bumping on the road. So off I hopped and a kind personage took my photo as I was right on the tippy top of the mounting. 6,273ft up I was - that's 1912m for those of you who are metric - so I didn't run about too much as it was quite puff making.

Soon it was time to go, 'cos dinner beckoned down at the gite.

Most of the road was clear though sometimes there were some cars to avoid.

Here I am back at the bottom of the mounting. Can you see me?  I'm almost all the way over to the left of the picture - 'cor this is like spotting Sebastian.










I was whizzing along, not a care in the world, admiring the scenery when...................











I didn't see a big clump of lavender and next thing I was sailing over the handlebars.

There I lay, groaning and wondering where I was, when a kind somebody (Let's call him Alan) came along and said, "Hello bear what rare you doing there?"  What a STUPID question. I ask you.

Still, he picked my bike up and me and carry us gently back to the gite, where I got all bungaged up.

Then I got my ear bashed by Bearacht.  "There, I told you little bearie, nay crash hat and nay sense.  You'll be more careful next time."  Yeah, yeah yeah. Who need friends like that?  (Well you do, it may have been hard to hear, but better that it came from another bear and not me.)  Well, I aspose so.

There was a silver lining 'cos Ann and Jack got me some yummy cherries and a macaroon and I felt ever so much better afterwords.  I won't do that again in a hurry.


Hugs to all,

Jock

Bonjour and all that

Hi all, they’ve taken me on nolerdays to France.  All very well you might say, but I hardly saw the light of day for almost a week.  I’ve got some ‘ceeding ‘citing news, but you’ll have to wait until the end of the report to find out what.

First Bearacht, the help and I went on a great big boat, and all we bears saw was the other cars all parked up for the night. Then it was off for a couple of nights in Beargundy (Burgundy or Burgogne – home of fabulous wines!) I might have guessed you’d chime in sooner or later. If I say it’s Beargundy, then it is, so there! (OK keep your hat on.)  Ann and the help had a big blow out at a fantastic restaurant called Le Montrachet, but we stayed in the digs, clearly bears weren’t welcome. (Maybe next time.) Hmph.

Meeting up with Jack.

On Saturday we plied back into the car and set off for our real holiday In Provence near a village called Bédoin. We arrived in the late afternoon, and guess what Travellin’ Jack appeared about 20 minutes later hauling LT in tow.  

It was great to meet up again and even better when Alan said, ”How about a pair of teeth?”  So we bears thought “What is he on about?  We don’t need teeth!  The help and Ann have teeth so why a pair of them?” Jack and I went outside and hopped onto the table where there was a glass of what they call a “Bonsoir.” Smelt more like pastis to me. Tasted more like it too and Jock and I had a good slurp.  (You’re right it was pastis. We call it a bonsior ‘cos one evening Alan said to Ann, “What would you say to a petit pastis?” Well she said, “Bonsoir petit pastis.” So any pre-dinner pastis is called a Bonsoir.) Well that’s too confuddling for a bear, but it tastes nice anyway.

Then we noticed little cheeses in a tray and well you know, being bears we just had to sample them and very nice they were too.  We’re still waiting for those teeth though his nibbs has had several since. (It’s an aperitif Jock, a drink one has to set oneself up for a meal, and those wee cheeses are called amuses bouche by the French. That means “A little something to amuse your mouth,” more or less.)  Well it sounded more like a pair of teeth to me, though I like the idea of having my mouth amused.  It’s a smiley sort of thing to say.

Drumming our heels

Then nothing; nada; rien; not a damned thing.  We were left to drum our heels – well Beracht and I were – jammy Jack got to go out on Monday and Tuesday but I stayed at home. So, nothing to report – boo hoo! (Sorry!)  I should think so.

Things are looking up

Nothing much happened on Wednesday morning except that Ann had cards and pressies to open, ‘cos it was her bearthday.  Apparently it has a two on the end and a multiple of decades first. I ‘spect it’s two or maybe three before the two. (Flatterer.) Who me? (Yes you.) Moi? (Toi.)  Well, whatever, she’s still only young.

Come the evening the humings all got spruced up and Jack and I were picked up and off we drove to the Mas des Vignes, their favourite eating place in Provence where you can sit out on the terrace in good weather and watch the sun go down as you eat.  Sadly we only sat out for our pair of teeth as I was blowy and looking as if it might rain.  So Alan says we'll just have to go again next week - well you've got to try haven't you?

Jack and I had Champagne cocktail with our first amuse bouche – tee hee – and then we had another amuse bouche – ha ha – with a shiny spear through it.  

Jack and I liked those because we could have pretend jousts afterwards. 

We did get to share some of the dinner, but the best bit was at the end when we got loads of sweeties – marshmallows as big as us and then some round, yummy chocs to follow.  My, my, we slept well.

Vroom, Vroom

Thursday was a red letter day – well YELLOW in my case a RED in Jack’s, but we didn’t know it when we left home.

We went to Vaison la Romaine, a fine town not far from here – indeed a very EXCELLENT TOWN not far from here.  It has three towns in one.  First, and much of it under the modern town, is the Roman town from, oh,  ages ago, before even Alan was bearthed. (Watch it!) It’s ruins and there are some columns still standing.  We looked in but didn’t visit.  Down at the bottom of the town there’s the Roman bridge – still in use all these years later – Alan thinks it’s a bit like the road-sweeper’s broom it never wears out. It’s only had three new arches and four road beds – whatever; the bridge really is old.

On the way we passed some lovely shops and there was one we all liked. LT went in and got herself a wee VW car, and while she was doing it Ann saw some cars on a stand. “Do you think that this was would do for Jack?” she asked.  Alan was a bit dubious but I insisted that we should try it.  

You can image how sad I was when I couldn’t reach the pedals or the steering wheel.  I cried, and Alan said, “Never mind Jock, we’ll keep looking.”  He took out his hanky and wiped my eyes and on we went to the pretty medieval part of the town on the other side of the bridge.

We had a good wander around and a nice galette (savoury pancake to you) for lunch and that restored my spirits a little.  Then we wanted to look at more shops back in the modern town, so we tripped over the bridge and Alan and LT had a little discussion.  I heard things like, “..that shop – other cars Jock’s size? What d’ye think?” and “Hmmm, it’s worth a look, but he might be disappointed.”  “well, nothing ventured and all that…”

So in we went and it was a really mixed up place with lots of things EVERYWHERE.  We looked here – no – and there – NO – and…gulp, there – NOPE – and then suddenly, there on the floor was not one, but a selection of the perfectest (?) ok the bestest vehicles a bear could ask for.  Not only were there three things, they were Jock or Jack size!  We tried them out for size and I decided on a lovely yellow chopper motorbike, while Jack settled for a red scooter.  

We thought we looked really cool, though the lady in the shop actually laughed when she saw me on my mean machine. I didn’t care; I was one of the two luckiest bears in France or anywhere and I was hopping about asking Alan if I could have a go, and he said we’d have to wait until we got back to the gite.  

To ease our tocitement we went and had an ice cream in a lovely shop.  I had guava flavour and Jack got some too and he'll tell you all about his. We got all sticky but it was worth it.

Here's me with my lovely new machine. I think it's just splendid. When Sebastian comes over he can go out in his mini and I can follow him on my motor bike.

When we got back to the give Jack and I parked our steeds neatly beside Alan's car. Can you see them?

ZOOOOOM, ZOOOOOM

Ah, the smell of the open road, the wind in your fur…the great big cars, the even bigger camper vans and the HUGE lorries. “Boff!” as the French would say, it’s so good to get out on my own set of wheels.  

Jack and I had great fun, and he even let me have a ride on the back of his scooter. 

The best bit was zooming up on that Beetle thingy and making it jump. (Now Jock, you really are getting to be a bit naughty – we don’t need roadhogs.) Yeah but he’s so very slow, and jumps at the slightest noise, and we didn’t mean him any harm.

Then we met up with Bearacht. Good old dependable Bearacht. “Well, hello laddies, what’s this then – new wheels?” 

Jack and I chorused “Yes, aren’t they great?”

“Aye they ur, but you’ll have to be careful – you havena any crash hats. Ye ken that you really ought to have them?”

“Ah go on with you big B, we’ll be fine without.”

“Just take care wee bearies. I’m really fond of you, ye ken, and I’d hate for anything to happen to you.”

“Alright Bearcht we’ll take care.”

But once he’d gone, Jack and I fell about with laughter. We’ll be fine won’t we?

Two Lips or something

Hi, have you missed me?
Well, I have just been away on a nice weekend, but you'll have to guess where I took Alan and Ann. ('Scuse me WHO took whom?) Oh, well, um, technically it was you, but the fans take it better if I say I took you. (well I'm happy to be the bank and tag along.) Good, that's settled now shut up! (Mmmmmm mmmm.)

I can give you a few clues. It wasn't in Britain as we flew over the sea, but not very far.  It was a city, with lots of canals. They grow flowers there that they're very proud of. Have you got it yet?  No, then read on.  even if the answer was "Yes", read on anyway 'cos it was fun.

On the day we arrived I settled in to the hotel while they went out to reconnoitre (My, that's a posh way to say, out for a dander around and a quick skelly.) What did I say? (Sorry.) The hotel was cosy and it was chilly outside.

Next morning we hopped on a tram and went to a great big museum place with lots and lots of paintings. The funniest one is called The Night Watch. First of all I couldn't see any watches, just people and then it wasn't a night time picture at all.  I prodded Alan and he explained that it got its name when it was all grubby and it looked like it had been painted at night, but now it's been cleaned up and looks much brighter.  Apparently a watch is a number of people keeping watch - a silly name for a group of people, though I suppose there was a mix of long and short hands so they could make up lots of human watches that way. I was worried 'cos this lot seemed to be playing with their gun or drinking, and that's pretty dangerous don't you think? Apparently no-one was harmed and lots of people think it's a lovely painting.

Here I am with Ann, and she looks pretty happy to be there, as was Alan, but you'll have to wait to see him.



Then it was LUNCH time, but I thought to myself, we're not going to get fat on this bare table, but then the help explained that we had to wait for the food. Wait? Wait? I'm a bear, how can I be made to wait? I have to fatten up for winter. (It's spring not autumn.) Details, details, I needed my food.

Eventually a waiter came so we didn't have to be waiters ourselves - Ha, ha, waiters - do you get it? I'm still tittering about that one.  Sorry, ahem, I'll get on with it. Eventually a waiter came - hee, hee  - and brought us some nice open sandwiches and tomato juice and stuff.

It was yummy, but not as yummy as this bar of chocklit.  Can you see the shape. It looks like a little house from this city. Have you guessed where we are yet?

Suitably fed we went back to the gallery for more works of art.  Here I am with a statue. Just in case you can't see me too well in the first photo there's another one below.  I was a bit close to that foot, the merest flick and I'd have been off there.  The help said that it wasn't a live statue, but I've seen them in the street and they have a habit of suddenly moving so you can't be too careful.

All was well and I came out unscathed though it was touch and go. (No it wasn't you drama queen, that was definitely a bronze and quite old too.) You say that, but I think caution is the better part of valour.

Before we left we went to the Asian gallery and very interesting it was too.  The Tate Modern in London has a pile of bricks on display, well, the Rijksmuseum has a block of tea instead and this is me sitting in front of it.  You'd need a great big teapot for that amount of tea.

Outside the museum, we had another chance for a photo call and the next few pictures will show you where we were.

First here are some of the flowers that the country is famous for. Did you know that in the 18th century the search for the black tulip nearly destroyed the economy of the country?  Just like the bankers, idiots speculated on tulip bulbs and built up the price into a bubble that burst and lots of people went bankrupt and the whole population suffered. Humings eh, they never learn! Maybe it's just as well some of thebankers didn't know about that this century, otherwise they'd have given it a try!

Here we are in front of a sculpture that people could play on.  Alan looks happy, but he was only a little, 'cos his Mummy has just died and he was thinking and thinking about what he was going to say at her funeral.

Have you guessed yet where we were?

And now?

Maybe now?

Surely you've guessed by now?

 What do you mean - "No"?

Yes of course, it was Amsterdam in the Netherlands, and that building behind is the Rijksmuseum which has just re-opened after being closed for 10 years for refurbishment.

Time for a look around for the next couple of days, and here are three pictures to show you a few of the sights.  The help took over 500, and I only appear in about 20, 's not fair.

Anyway that was our weekend, we had lots of nice weather, excellent food and wonderful sights, so maybe we'll get to go again.  Watch this space.

Hugs and stuff,

Jock